Thirsty Thursday

I've been thinking a lot more about my life and how I am going to use my capabilities to benefit someone else. The thing is I knew the answer all a long. I now want to be a cinematographer more than ever. I know what you're thinking, how is film going to help others? Well it's not going to cure cancer obviously, but film gives people something that nothing else can. It's a preservative. The whole reason why I ever wanted to be a cinematographer is not because it's fun, or it's something I am pretty okay at. I just want people to be able to live in ways that they aren't able too otherwise. I want people to be able to experience the world I live in as it is now, whether it be real or not. The whole world is changing drastically. New buildings are appearing, and once small towns are becoming cities. The climate is also changing. Whether global warming exists or not is beyond me, but if it does, one day there wont be much snow around. The only way people in the future will know it ever even existed is through pictures and video. And sure photography could be enough, but I want people to be able to hear and see at the same time.
I guess an example to better explain myself would be of a video I recently saw of the Beatles playing "Hey Jude". Sure we can listen to the song and look at pictures, but the video says so much more. I got to witness and feel the emotions of everyone there. It made me get a true feeling of what it was like to actually be there as they played. I could see how important this band once was to the world by not only how the audience responding by singing along and joining them on stage, but also by the simple fact that they were being broadcasted on television in a time when there were only a few channels filled mostly by news and a select handful of family sitcoms. MTV did not exist and music videos were almost unheard of. I also got to see the band interact. They were clearly a real band, real friends, and most importantly real musicians. For a couple of minutes, I got to live in an era where I didn't even exist yet. Video just gives us a way to appreciate things more whether we realize it or not. Since there isn't and probably will never be such a thing as time travel, this is the next best thing.
I've always been good at drawing and painting, but all I can do is see things as they are. I can't manipulate and use my imagination to be more expressive. I'm simply a copy machine. With video it's somewhat different though. I can manipulate the film to make people see and feel in different ways whether it be through simple filming or editing. I have a creativity with film that comes naturally and that I don't have to force.
I'm not trying to make it big in any way. Who would I be kidding? Actually I'd be completely satisfied with making ends meat. The most important thing is doing something I love and that will mean something to someone else as well. One of the good things about coming from where I do, and living the way I am right now, on my own, I've come to realize that money isn't everything. I have learned to be completely satisfied with close to nothing. As long as I have food to eat, a roof over my head, and friends and family to love, I'm perfectly content. The road I am taking may not end glamorously and will definitely be a bumpy one, but I only have up to go from here.

Today I did not take the walk I was hoping I would motivate myself to do. It was way too cold. I did however get out my unused camera and take a picture of Lake Champlain during sunset off of my roof. I also managed to shovel out my car even though I had no intentions on going anywhere. I even forgot it was Thursday until Mary had asked why I was trading in a box of wine for an early start to bed. I miss all my Champlain friends and can't wait till everyone comes back.
I am thinking about taking some language courses. I'm still pretty set on traveling a lot one day, and the confidence in my future career makes it all little more set in stone. I think learning and actually using some new languages could really help in satisfying my urge to broaden my knowledge and capabilities. This is all starting to sound like a dream again, but what doesn't seem appealing about documenting my personal discoveries of a bigger world.

Snowed In

After doing quite a bit of stumble!ing, I came across an article about a 27 year old graduate student who has discovered a more enhanced antibiotic. His new discovery was graciously noted, and he won $30,000. Anyways, if you'd like to read more, here's the link. The main point to this story is I've been thinking a lot about my personal capabilities. I mean, could I (or will I) do something of great importance in my life? I mean not for just me, but something important to others.
I read another article about a student who was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer. Chemo doesn't have any effects on it, and since only 300 people are diagnosed with this particular type of cancer a year, not much effort has been made to find a cure. Until this guy was diagnosed that is. He went to school to be an environmental engineer, but has since spent most of his time in a lab working on a cure for his own cancer. The guy is only 20! I don't think I could ever be that motivated, even if my life was on the line. I mean, how do you even begin to pursue something like that? Where do you even start?
I think I've hit a rough patch in realizing that this could be all I get. It's hard to think that everyday I waste being lazy is just a waste of time, time I'm not going to get back. Even if there is such a thing as life after death or reincarnation, what am I doing to appreciate and fulfill this life? Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I have the best friends, and I come from a good open minded family. I would never change any of that. However, the world is a big place filled with endless opportunities. I think it's time I start taking on some. I just need to start doing rather than just thinking. I have a problem with doing. I tend to just not do anything. I need to start thinking more about the overall reality of life I guess a little more. I spend so much time ignoring it because when I do think about life and that it's not forever, everything hits me too hard all at once and I have trouble breathing.
I'm going to tackle this issue slowly. Tomorrow since I don't have work and everyone is on break, I'm going to take a walk with the camera I haven't ever used. I'm going to appreciate what I have in front of me. That seems like the best thing to do before I can look at what I'm capable of, appreciating what I have available now.
It has snowed quite a bit in the past 24 hours. I'd say about 8 inches or so. Pretty much this means I have been stuck since we all know the corolla is not a fan of the snow. I really hope I can motivate myself to use my own two legs to get out tomorrow. There is one good thing to all this downtime however, I've been able to discover new music. I've been listening to a lot of the Beatles after watching Across the Universe. I never realized how good they truly are, mainly because of the overplaying of "Twist and Shout". Otherwise, it's all extremely good. Paul McCartney has such an amazing voice and raw style for a white guy in the 60's. I don't think I ever realized how much they've influenced music, especially rock. Paul often screams lyrics out of emotion, the same scream of emotions I see in more hardcore music today. I've also been listening to a lot of Feist, Yael Naim, Grizzly Bear, and Regina Spektor. Pretty much really mellow and soft music. I just listened to a Damien Rice Song that I think sums everything up perfectly....

Sleep, Don't Weep

Sleep, don't weep, my sweet love

Your face is all wet and your day was rough
So do what you must do to find yourself
Wear another shoe, or paint my shelf
Those times that I was broke, and you stood strong
I think I found a place where I...

Sleep, don't weep, my sweet love
Your face it's all wet 'cause our days were rough
So do what you must do to fill that hole
Wear another shoe to comfort the soul
Those times that I was broke, and you stood strong
I think I found a place where I feel I will...

Sleep, don't weep, my sweet love
My face it's all wet 'cause my day was rough
So do what you must do to find yourself
Wear another shoe, or paint my shelf
Those times that I was broke, and you stood strong
I hope I find a place where I feel I belong

Sleep, don't weep, my sweet love
My face is all wet 'cause my day was rough

The Lost World

I've started a list of places I want to go. Whether I actually make it to any of these places is beyond me, but at least I know where I would like to go. One of the places on this list is a village in the Philippines called Bang-an. It's a hidden mirage like city in the middle of no where. It's over 50 miles from the nearest town, and theres only one road leading to it. The only problem is, no one ever goes there so finding it will be really hard.
I also have been looking at the Ta Prohm junge temple in Cambodia. It is so old that trees have grown on top of some of the buildings caging them in with their roots. It's such an odd rare site and I want to make sure that one day i see it for myself.
I guess I just want to travel to places I haven't seen a million pictures of. I want to skip the crowds and find my own paradises. Sounds like another lame dreamer speech, but I'm really set on doing this one day. Lately I feel like I've been just wasting a lot of my life doing a lot of nothing. I need to make sure I make something of it in case this is all I get.