There's not enough time in the world.

Recently I've been slowly developing a fear of time. It's been passing by so fast that I've grown worried that I'm not getting the most of it. Actually, I know I'm not making the most of it. Really though, who does? Because I work so much now, I really haven't had much time to sit down and think. Lately, when I do get a chance, I tend to look back on the past 4 years or so. So much yet so little has happened. That sounds confusing I know. I guess what I'm getting at is a lot of the things I thought were going to happen didn't, but in that there's been a lot of unexpected surprises as well. I know life comes at you fast, but I haven't experienced it as much as I have since I've been in college. Since college (we can even narrow that down to my transfer to Champlain) I've experienced the following...

• Death of a close loved one - Even if I'm partically referring to my dog (my other dog and great grandmother recently passed), I was very close to him and I don't think I could ever repay him for the loyalty and love he showed for me.
  
• Debt - I don't mean school loans here, although they've been quite a heavy load as well.
  
• Living with roommates - In the dorms and in my new apartment. Either way it's been quite an experience.
• Living completely by myself - We all know that was the weirdest situation I could have gotten into.
• Turning 21! - I think I might actually drink less then I did before I was of age. I have however developed a recent tolerance to beer. Blue Moon owns my fridge.
• Complete Independence - From grocery shopping to rent. All on my own.
• Working Full Time - The downfall to the above.
• Promotion - I've gotten a raise or maybe been able to work in a different area of a job, but I've never been actually promoted.
• Being in charge of fellow employees - With the promotion came power. Now for once, I get to tell the people I work with what to do.
• Experimentation - I'm referring to substances here, although the older I get, the more people seem to want to kiss you on the mouth rather than your cheek.

Obviously there's a lot more but this list covers the important stuff. I didn't really plan on making a list till I got to thinking out loud. I just wish that life didn't come down to time, which in the end gets filled up with work. So really, living is to work? I hope that one day I can turn that around so that work is living.

That doesn't make any sense.

Anyways... Bonnaroo was good. I think we had too high of expectations and it wasn't able to live up to last year, but in the end, it was still good. As you can see, I've also gotten better at creating run-on sentences. The yota is fixed as well. I'm proud to say that I DO NOT miss the nagging comments, cheers from frat boys, and shrieks of terror from McDonalds employees over how loud it was. Really, it could be 5 miles from complete breakdown, and I would still drive the thing those last 5. AND speaking of time, I would like to apologize to anyone looking forward to seeing me home at the diner monday. I simply didn't have enough.

Politics (it had to happen eventually)

So I don't particularly like discussing politics because I feel 1. it's an argument waiting to happen and 2. it's a last resort topic that's too overplayed. Unfortunately I do think about it and therefore I'm going to quickly get this out of the way. There is a big chance I will not be voting this year. I've been saying this all year, and I still pretty much feel that way, especially since Cox and Kucinich were dropped out of the running. My reasoning is I'm not going to vote for people who go against what I believe is the direction this country should be going. Sure it would be great to have a black or female president, but it would not be great to have bad black or female president. Plus theres no way I'd vote republican. I feel to strongly about a change in how this country acts and thinks. My biggest one being to officially separate church and state. We live in a country filled with diversity and we need to start thinking for everyone, not just a select few. Ok, I feel like I'm getting into a rant which is what I did not want to do. I'm just saying I am not confident in our given candidates therefore I'm not going to vote for someone I'm not sure of. And please don't tell me that if I don't vote then I don't have a say on the outcome because I do. I can tell you right now that I am going to have a lot to say no matter the winner.

That aside... I'm moving out in less then 3 days! I'm mostly excited to get out of this jewish center. No more kids running down the hallways on weekends during Sabbath! And no more kids screaming outside from the preschool! And no more shitty shared bathrooms! And no more setting off the fire alarms because I am trying to cook a wholesome meal on my makeshift stove top! Pretty much... no more cheap ass crappy living conditions! This next year is going to be awesome with all my roommates and everyone living so close!

Also, Bonnaroo is in 2 weeks today! We already have a lot of booze and other substances to keep us busy. I'm trying some things for the first time which I am excited about! And we are camping out at walmart the night before which I hear is one of the best nights the whole weekend!

Pretty much, these next few weeks are going to be AWESOME.

Thomas Kin Chong

A lot of people see Tommy Chong (from Up in Smoke and That 70's Show) as an old man worn by drug use. Well I totally see him otherwise. As you may or may not have heard, Chong recently spent 9 months in prison for the selling of bongs. That's right... bongs. Something completely legal to sell here in the United States, but the government decided to put this man in jail for it because they felt that his fame for roles as a stoner promoted illegal marijuana use. Yes, I'm sure he has in some ways promoted smoking, but that isn't a crime that I'm aware of. There's actually more to this story. It was actually Chong's son who the charges were for, but the government, convinced that Chong was the greater evil, gave him the option of paying his sons time. Tommy figured his son, Marcus, was young and 9 months would be of more worth to him then an aging man. This is all discussed further in depth in the documentary A/K/A Tommy Chong. I'm actually ordering this movie Friday if anyone would like to borrow it sometime.

I, being obviously fairly interested in this story, decided to youtube Tommy Chong hoping to possibly come across a pirated version of the movie. Instead I just came across more gold. I first found this interview with Chong and Neil Cavuto from Fox News. This interview made me very furious. Not necessarily because of the topic and the very small minded views expressed, but more for how absolutely rude Cavuto was. As someone in news, you don't interview someone to argue with them, but rather then to get a person's opinion, not overwrite your own. It's fairly arrogant to have someone on to express their thoughts only to interrupt them countless times and not even listen to what they are saying. What was the point of the interview if he wasn't going to take in Chong's remarks? Chong brought up some very good points that I feel were shot down quickly by a very defensive Cavuto. There's nothing I dislike more then someone with a closed mind. At least listen to what the person has to say. In the end, if you still don't agree, well then you don't agree. Leave it at that.

Also in the midst of gold I found another Chong interview by Contessa Brewer. What's up with the short tempered, defensive news reporters? Notice how both reporters (Brewer and Cavuto) try to put words into Tommy Chong's mouth in their defense to make him seem crazy, when in fact they're really just having a personal battle on what they now believe after hearing some really good oppositions. And as if these reporters don't already look dumb enough, they go a head and ask if he had smoked before the interview. Really, can you make yourself look anymore ignorant? So what if he had smoked? If you knew anything about pot, you would know that some of your most clear and brightest thoughts come from smoking. You would also know that caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol are far worse then marijuana, yet all three are legal whereas marijuana obviously isn't. I bet both of them voted for Bush and to make their decisions seem ok, they go about their day to day living in extreme ignorance, focusing on dumb pointless issues.

Take 2

So I haven't really been writing in here, and I'm sorry to those who have brought this to my attention. I know you'd like to know what's going on in my life, but that's more of what the phone and facebook are for. I know I keep making new blog/journal sites, but that is because I change them I guess when I feel a change in what I want to write about. For example, I made this one as kind of a self reflection I guess you could say. I was also kind of tired some of the old sites I had where people from high school would find me, and try to be interested in what I'm up to. Let's just be honest... if you didn't find time to be interested in my life then, theres really no point in trying now. Especially since I have no care about what those people are doing. On that note, this is mainly for family, friends, and people I completely don't know to read. It's mostly me thinking out loud, so if you also get to thinking, you are more then welcome to also share those thoughts.

Anyways, there's a lot I've been wanting to share here, but right now I only have the stamina to share one thing. As most of you know, I consider myself agnostic. I am however very open to other people's beliefs, and like to take as much in as I can to hopefully try and form some of my own. However, what I don't agree with is when religious people act as radicals, and try to press their beliefs onto others, sometimes for the worst. I just read an article about a group of Baptist clergymen who are trying to rid the sea of a type of anemone that are considered transgendered.

"For God knows how long, this twisted sea creature has been running rampant in our oceans, spreading its unnatural, bisexual lifestyle. And it's high time somebody took a stand."

I'm hoping I don't have to explain why this is so crazy. I mean I try to be as unbiased as I can, but this is absolutely ridiculous. Why would you ever think it's ok to go into an environment that's impossible for you to live in (therefor useless to you), somehow kill off an entire species, and in the end fuck up an entire ecosystem I'm sure. Don't these people have better things to do like... I don't know... live life maybe?

Thirsty Thursday

I've been thinking a lot more about my life and how I am going to use my capabilities to benefit someone else. The thing is I knew the answer all a long. I now want to be a cinematographer more than ever. I know what you're thinking, how is film going to help others? Well it's not going to cure cancer obviously, but film gives people something that nothing else can. It's a preservative. The whole reason why I ever wanted to be a cinematographer is not because it's fun, or it's something I am pretty okay at. I just want people to be able to live in ways that they aren't able too otherwise. I want people to be able to experience the world I live in as it is now, whether it be real or not. The whole world is changing drastically. New buildings are appearing, and once small towns are becoming cities. The climate is also changing. Whether global warming exists or not is beyond me, but if it does, one day there wont be much snow around. The only way people in the future will know it ever even existed is through pictures and video. And sure photography could be enough, but I want people to be able to hear and see at the same time.
I guess an example to better explain myself would be of a video I recently saw of the Beatles playing "Hey Jude". Sure we can listen to the song and look at pictures, but the video says so much more. I got to witness and feel the emotions of everyone there. It made me get a true feeling of what it was like to actually be there as they played. I could see how important this band once was to the world by not only how the audience responding by singing along and joining them on stage, but also by the simple fact that they were being broadcasted on television in a time when there were only a few channels filled mostly by news and a select handful of family sitcoms. MTV did not exist and music videos were almost unheard of. I also got to see the band interact. They were clearly a real band, real friends, and most importantly real musicians. For a couple of minutes, I got to live in an era where I didn't even exist yet. Video just gives us a way to appreciate things more whether we realize it or not. Since there isn't and probably will never be such a thing as time travel, this is the next best thing.
I've always been good at drawing and painting, but all I can do is see things as they are. I can't manipulate and use my imagination to be more expressive. I'm simply a copy machine. With video it's somewhat different though. I can manipulate the film to make people see and feel in different ways whether it be through simple filming or editing. I have a creativity with film that comes naturally and that I don't have to force.
I'm not trying to make it big in any way. Who would I be kidding? Actually I'd be completely satisfied with making ends meat. The most important thing is doing something I love and that will mean something to someone else as well. One of the good things about coming from where I do, and living the way I am right now, on my own, I've come to realize that money isn't everything. I have learned to be completely satisfied with close to nothing. As long as I have food to eat, a roof over my head, and friends and family to love, I'm perfectly content. The road I am taking may not end glamorously and will definitely be a bumpy one, but I only have up to go from here.

Today I did not take the walk I was hoping I would motivate myself to do. It was way too cold. I did however get out my unused camera and take a picture of Lake Champlain during sunset off of my roof. I also managed to shovel out my car even though I had no intentions on going anywhere. I even forgot it was Thursday until Mary had asked why I was trading in a box of wine for an early start to bed. I miss all my Champlain friends and can't wait till everyone comes back.
I am thinking about taking some language courses. I'm still pretty set on traveling a lot one day, and the confidence in my future career makes it all little more set in stone. I think learning and actually using some new languages could really help in satisfying my urge to broaden my knowledge and capabilities. This is all starting to sound like a dream again, but what doesn't seem appealing about documenting my personal discoveries of a bigger world.

Snowed In

After doing quite a bit of stumble!ing, I came across an article about a 27 year old graduate student who has discovered a more enhanced antibiotic. His new discovery was graciously noted, and he won $30,000. Anyways, if you'd like to read more, here's the link. The main point to this story is I've been thinking a lot about my personal capabilities. I mean, could I (or will I) do something of great importance in my life? I mean not for just me, but something important to others.
I read another article about a student who was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer. Chemo doesn't have any effects on it, and since only 300 people are diagnosed with this particular type of cancer a year, not much effort has been made to find a cure. Until this guy was diagnosed that is. He went to school to be an environmental engineer, but has since spent most of his time in a lab working on a cure for his own cancer. The guy is only 20! I don't think I could ever be that motivated, even if my life was on the line. I mean, how do you even begin to pursue something like that? Where do you even start?
I think I've hit a rough patch in realizing that this could be all I get. It's hard to think that everyday I waste being lazy is just a waste of time, time I'm not going to get back. Even if there is such a thing as life after death or reincarnation, what am I doing to appreciate and fulfill this life? Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I have the best friends, and I come from a good open minded family. I would never change any of that. However, the world is a big place filled with endless opportunities. I think it's time I start taking on some. I just need to start doing rather than just thinking. I have a problem with doing. I tend to just not do anything. I need to start thinking more about the overall reality of life I guess a little more. I spend so much time ignoring it because when I do think about life and that it's not forever, everything hits me too hard all at once and I have trouble breathing.
I'm going to tackle this issue slowly. Tomorrow since I don't have work and everyone is on break, I'm going to take a walk with the camera I haven't ever used. I'm going to appreciate what I have in front of me. That seems like the best thing to do before I can look at what I'm capable of, appreciating what I have available now.
It has snowed quite a bit in the past 24 hours. I'd say about 8 inches or so. Pretty much this means I have been stuck since we all know the corolla is not a fan of the snow. I really hope I can motivate myself to use my own two legs to get out tomorrow. There is one good thing to all this downtime however, I've been able to discover new music. I've been listening to a lot of the Beatles after watching Across the Universe. I never realized how good they truly are, mainly because of the overplaying of "Twist and Shout". Otherwise, it's all extremely good. Paul McCartney has such an amazing voice and raw style for a white guy in the 60's. I don't think I ever realized how much they've influenced music, especially rock. Paul often screams lyrics out of emotion, the same scream of emotions I see in more hardcore music today. I've also been listening to a lot of Feist, Yael Naim, Grizzly Bear, and Regina Spektor. Pretty much really mellow and soft music. I just listened to a Damien Rice Song that I think sums everything up perfectly....

Sleep, Don't Weep

Sleep, don't weep, my sweet love

Your face is all wet and your day was rough
So do what you must do to find yourself
Wear another shoe, or paint my shelf
Those times that I was broke, and you stood strong
I think I found a place where I...

Sleep, don't weep, my sweet love
Your face it's all wet 'cause our days were rough
So do what you must do to fill that hole
Wear another shoe to comfort the soul
Those times that I was broke, and you stood strong
I think I found a place where I feel I will...

Sleep, don't weep, my sweet love
My face it's all wet 'cause my day was rough
So do what you must do to find yourself
Wear another shoe, or paint my shelf
Those times that I was broke, and you stood strong
I hope I find a place where I feel I belong

Sleep, don't weep, my sweet love
My face is all wet 'cause my day was rough

The Lost World

I've started a list of places I want to go. Whether I actually make it to any of these places is beyond me, but at least I know where I would like to go. One of the places on this list is a village in the Philippines called Bang-an. It's a hidden mirage like city in the middle of no where. It's over 50 miles from the nearest town, and theres only one road leading to it. The only problem is, no one ever goes there so finding it will be really hard.
I also have been looking at the Ta Prohm junge temple in Cambodia. It is so old that trees have grown on top of some of the buildings caging them in with their roots. It's such an odd rare site and I want to make sure that one day i see it for myself.
I guess I just want to travel to places I haven't seen a million pictures of. I want to skip the crowds and find my own paradises. Sounds like another lame dreamer speech, but I'm really set on doing this one day. Lately I feel like I've been just wasting a lot of my life doing a lot of nothing. I need to make sure I make something of it in case this is all I get.